I am asking myself, “Why am I starting a blog?” And honestly, I still don’t know if this is a great ideal or if I’ll be any good at it. “Will anyone want to read anything I have to share? Do people really care?” I guess I am just going to have to go for it and see what happens. That seems to be my mantra lately. “Is my three year-old ready to participate in basketball? (He wasn’t) Well, let’s just sign him up and see what happens.” And so, that is how I am going to approach this new project. So here it goes.
“I am a mom. I am an adoptive mom. I am an African-American, adoptive mom of a loving, hilarious, creative, high-energy, African-American son. I am working mom. I am a mom on a journey. I am a mom who is still learning how to be a mom. I am a mom.”
That’s me. A mom. That’s right, I’m an adoptive mom. This is an important part of my identity, but not my entire identity. I’m a wife, a daughter, a teacher, a sister, a friend, and much more. But, for our purposes here, I am an adoptive mom. I will write about mom stuff, I will write about adoption, and I will write about anything related to being a mom.
I bet you have a question at this point “If being an adoptive mom is an important part of your identity, why does it seem (by your handle) that you are focused on race?”
Great question! When my husband and I considered adoption, we realized the only experience we had with adoption was from media, friends, and family. From the media and other interactions, we learned that white families invested a lot of money into adopting newborns and infants both domestic and abroad, while black families adopted older kids through fostering or by taking in relatives. Whether this was broadly true or not, this was our sphere of reference and influence. After much contemplation and research, we decided to go the route of private, infant adoption–which garnered an interesting(and misguided) array of questions and comments from our friends and family.
What we learned from the experience is (at least in our state) black families rarely engage in private, infant adoption. Of course there are many reasons for this, the most salient being socioeconomic status and the cost of private adoption. But there are also a lot of misconceptions about the adoption process that ALL groups have. My hope is that our story and the information that I share here will inspire people to overcome some of these misconceptions. So, although race is not going to be a major focal point of this blog, I do want to begin the conversation.
In future posts, I will explore all of the adoption options available to prospective parents. I will discuss why private adoption was the best choice for us (Note that I said for us. I do realize that it not the right option for everyone. Potential adoptive parents must choose the route that is best for them). I will discuss, in more detail than you probably want, our adoption journey. I will also discuss everyday mom issues–and there are plenty- the good mom stuff and some the stuff that makes us want to curl into a ball and cry. I will discuss the challenges and joys of being a working mother (again, best choice for us, but not everyone).
I hope and pray that you are willing to go on this journey with me. I hope that we can engage in a dialogue about many mom-related topics. I hope that you will offer suggestions and ideas about what you want to read, learn, and discuss. We are in this together. Let’s jump in and see what happens!
Until next time!
Follow me on Twitter: @blkadoptivemom